


Thankless Job

by thousandyearwitch



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Customer Service, M/M, SHitpost fic for my gf :), babies first fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-15
Updated: 2020-06-15
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:34:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24741622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thousandyearwitch/pseuds/thousandyearwitch
Summary: Illumi is forced to work at a Burger Chain, and questions his Life choices while learning that customer service may be worse than any torture known to man.
Relationships: Hisoka/Illumi Zoldyck
Comments: 7
Kudos: 72





	Thankless Job

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a silly joke i did for my girlfriend. My english is not the most perfect at times, excuse that please. :^)

“You need to get a job.” Those words have been ringing in Illumis ears for the past week. The way which his father had said it, so matter-of-factly, and the way his mother started wailing almost immediately, talking about “new experiences” “learning normal skills” “honest money”.  
Illumi did not understand how the money he’d get from missions was “dishonest” money, but he also knew better than to disagree with his parents. And so he could do nothing but watch and write applications, while his brothers got assigned mission after mission.  
He wasn’t surprised that a TOPBURGA♪ accepted his application and hired him after a short interview. The place does not exactly scream _professionalism and high-class,_ with it’s grease stained walls, the lingering small of something burning in the air, and the sound of screaming children. The sensory input was almost too overwhelming for the eldest Zoldyck son, but he knew that his pool of jobs to choose from wasn’t that deep.

And so he stared at himself in the mirror while buttoning up the last button on his brightly orange shirt. The work uniform was atrocious. The shirt was too tight around the shoulders, but too wide around the waist, and was tucked into pants that didn’t even reach his ankles. Gently he pulled his ponytail through the back-end of a white cap, fashioning the talking-burger logo of the chain.  
A last look into the mirror, going over his form, examining the working-class stranger looking back at him. That could not be him, he thought, resting his eyes on the reflection of the name tag “Iluhmi”. 8:30 am. His shift starts.

The first 2 hours had been going surprisingly smoothly. Working as a cashier wasn’t difficult to Illumi, he could take comfort in such a repeated, calculated task, blocking out most of everything that was going on around him, including his managers mumbling about ‘customer service face’. He got the job done, and he got it done well.  
Mentally he was preparing for his lunch break already, wanting to breathe fresh air, leaving all the noise behind for glorious 30 minutes of silence. But suddenly Illumi felt something greatly disturbing this make believe peace he has already been looking forward to. A familiar aura, so piercing, so overwhelming, a weaker soul would be inclined to activate a fight or flight instinct that had been driven out of any and all of the Zoldyck children. There was only fight. And yet Illumi wanted to leave, not to flee, but simply to hide, to not be seen. Not like this, not by _him._  
The doors of the small Burger joint swung open, and in came the familiar magician, brandishing is trademark grin, so perverse that Illumi felt it would be justified to call security. But he didn’t, instead opting to look blankly ahead, hoping, praying that Hisoka has stumbled into this restaurant by accident, and would leave any second.  
Hope is for Fools and Prayer never works.  
Illumi was face to face with the pink-haired intruder now.  
“My, oh my, what a surprise to see you here, dear Illumi ” It is against company policies to assault a customer.  
“That Uniform looks quite… _Dashing_ on you, might I add.” It is against company policies to insult a customer.

“Welcome to TOPBURGA, may I have your order please?” Maybe acting cold and rejecting would work, pretending not to even know this person (by stretch of definition).  
“Oh, I don’t think that’s a sufficient greeting for a _PAYING CUSTOMER_ , do you? ” It would not work. Illumi could tell by Hisokas widening grin and narrowing eyes that he was prepared to make a scene.  
Illumi cleared his throat, before digging his nails into the off-color counter in front of him, forcing himself to smile, looking Hisoka directly in the eyes. He had never wanted to murder this man this badly ever before. “ _Welcome to TOPBURGA♪! May I take your order, please~?_ ”  
Hisoka clapped his hands together, looking pleased as ever. “Now _that’s_ the spirit! Feels wonderful to work with a smile on your face, right?”  
Illumi felt a piece of a soul that he think he didn’t have die.  
Reverting back to a blank stare, Illumi coldly put in Hisokas order into the cash register, trying to block out Hisokas low purrs of “um"s and "ah"s while he was deciding on his meal.  
"That’ll be 6.99Jennie Please.”

As Illumi held out his hand to receive the cash (which was definitely not enough to compensate for what he was emotionally going through), Hisoka gently placed his hand on top of the cashiers, slowly running his nails over Illumis open palm after dropping the coins. The sensation ran shivers down Illumis spine, but surprisingly he didn’t _dislike_ it. Faintly he wondered how it would feel to have these nails run up the nape of his neck, or gently massaging his scalp. Of course Illumi would never let anyone touch his hair, much less Hisoka, who would probably get way too much joy out of it.

Quickly banning these thoughts out if his head , he handed Hisoka his order number. “Your order will be ready in a moment.” Illumi wondered if he could pass a note to the cook and ask him to burn an order on purpose, as Hisoka finally took a couple steps back to lean against a wall and _wait._  
Conveniently the business started to fill with customers, keeping Illumi busy and his mind occupied, ignoring the magicians piercing stare on him. Even as a coworker finally handed him his order, he found a table in perfect view of the counter, slowly eating fry by fry while watching Illumi work.  
 _Does he not have anything better to do? Is there no one else he can harass? Of course he’s just looking, but anyone who has ever met Hisokas gaze knows that that basically counts as assault. Why does it bother me so much, anyway?_ Illumis thoughts were echoing in his head. Hisoka took up too much space in his mind, distractingly much.  
“You’re being watched.” The soft voice pulled him out of the echo chamber of his mind.

“Pardon?” Illumis eyes focused back on the customer in front of him, trying to process the figure in a soaked black rain coat, hood pulled over their head. The rain had started a couple minutes earlier, and as everyone who had sought shelter in the burger joint had been served, or was simply there to wait our the weather, this lone figure was the last in line.  
“A customer has been watching you for the past 30 minutes, he sits in the second row to the right.”  
“Oh, him. I’ve been aware-” Illumis explanation cut short as the figure pulls off the soaked hood of their coat, revealing yet another familiar face.  
“Chrollo.”  
“Oh, Illumi? I didn’t even recognize you in that..” Chrollos eyes quickly darted over Illumis form, before letting out a small chuckle “..lovely attire.”  
“Thank you, I’ve already been made aware that I look 'dashing’, according to my pursuer.”  
Chrollo leaned on the counter, and though Illumi felt proportionally more uncomfortable with the increasing number of familiar faces in this place, he did find comfort in being able to talk comparatively normal to someone for the first time today.  
“So, is the Zoldyck family planing to become a chain restaurant empire now?”

“Very funny.” It was not very funny. “I’d prefer it if you leave this establishment. If Hisoka recognizes who you are, I feel like there is not a job for me to come back to tomorrow.”  
Chrollo chuckled, before holding up an apologetic hand. “Understood, I will just have a water and be on my way. Though..” He quickly glanced over his shoulder “..I feel like he’s already preparing to fight me just for talking to you like this. His determination in staring me down is admirable.”  
Illumi glanced at the clock, and sighed in relief, before grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge. “My break has started. That’ll be 1.20Jennie.” Without another word, Chrollo placed the money on the counter, took his water, and waved Illumi goodbye. The hard working man at the counter was about to turn and leave for his well deserved break, when something was amiss. He froze mid-turn, glanced back at the interior of the restaurant. _He’s gone,_ he thought.

 _Did he see Chrollo after all?_ The image of Hisoka confronting Chrollo outside came to mind, but was quickly pushed aside. It was time for Illumis break, and whatever happens outside the restaurant is none of his business. Instead he grabbed his water bottle, and excused himself through the backdoor.  
The rain had stopped, and the sun was pushing through the thin of the clouds. The back of the restaurant was facing a small park, and a wooden bench had been set up for employees to take a break on.  
Illumi sat down, grateful that the bench itself had been sheltered under the roof of the building, and took off his uniform cap. A small sigh escaped him, staring away into the distance.  
 _What has my Life come to? Is this how its going to be for ever? How did Hisoka get his nails so sharp, and why does he always look at me? Is this an informal way of telling me im out of the family business? Did my fa- Wait._ He caught himself mid thought. That magician had done it again, sneaking his way into the back of Illumis mind, like a maggot eating through wood. He could never, ever give him the satisfaction of knowing he had those capabilities. Illumi could practically already hear the self-satisfied purr of the other mans voice. “Whats got you thinking so hard, dear?~”  
The reality of that voice made Illumis head shoot up, facing the other man who was leaning casually against the wall next to him.

“None of your business.” Plenty of his business. Too much of his business, actually. His smug face and awful grin and piercing gaze.  
“You know, I do like your hair in a ponytail like this, it frames your neck perfectly~” Hisoka reaches out towards Illumis face, but his hand is quickly swatted away, giving a fake pout at this.  
“Why does the eldest of the Zoldyck children degrade himself to such _lowly_ work anyway?~”

Illumi stood up, determined to leave. He wanted peace, quiet, a clear mind, all things mutually exclusive with the presence of Hisoka.  
“My dear Illumi, if you _really_ needed money that badly, you could have always come to your good friend for help~” Illumi felt his muscles twitch. He wasn’t sure what to address first, that he doesn’t need money that badly, or that him and Hisoka are the furthest thing from friends.  
“I wouldn’t mind playing your boss for a while~” The magician was directly behind him, he could feel his aura lingering all over his back. Hisokas low voice purred softly behind Illumis ear “I promise you’d get your own uniform, too~” A hand was suddenly resting on the nape of Illumis neck, and index finger massaging through the small hairs that slipped out of his ponytail. For a fraction of a second, he could feel his blood come to a freezing point, forcing him to inhale sharply.

The thought of working _for_ Hisoka was ridiculous and repulsing. Working with him was already often a strain on Illumis sanity. And now just being in his _presence_ , so close he could swear he could hear the others heartbeat (though it was probably only his own ringing in his ear), it upset something deep inside him.  
The fraction of a second passes, and his blood shot up to a boil. Illumi turned around, a hand immediately pushing Hisoka back against a wall.  
“I have no qualms about killing you right where you stand.”  
“I’d let you, if it would calm your nerves~” It was no surprise that the magicians grin had only gotten wider after impact with the wall, and seeing Illumis rage burn through him. Illumis hand was pushing against Hisokas throat, though one of Hisokas hands was just holding lazily onto the others wrist, making no attempt to escape his grip.

Illumi could feel Hisokas pulse through his grip, calm despite the circumstances, which only irritated him more. Neither of them break eye contact, while Illumis thoughts run deafening through his head.  
The past week had been more stressful than any mission could have ever been. This shift in his routine, in what is normal for him just being torn away, proved to be far more damaging than expected. Hisoka was right, his nerves needed to be calmed. His fingers twitched around Hisokas windpipe, who was still meeting Illumis gaze unblinkingly, licking his lips in anticipation.  
“You are a vile person. I’m sure you’d get off on it if I were to actually kill you right here.” Illumis face inched close to Hisokas, not letting go off the grip around his neck. _What am I doing it_ echoed. “We’ll never find out if you don’t try~” Hisokas hot breath fell on Illumis lips. _Too close. Stop_. His head was pulsing, and he just wanted to muffle all of his thoughts. _Calm my nerves_. Their Lips met, softer than expected, and suddenly Illumi felt like all of his muscles relaxed for the first time in his life. _He’s just helping me calm my nerves._

Hisokas free hand rested on Illumis hip, in turn Illumi released the grip around his neck, and instead wrapped his arms around the others shoulders, pulling him closer to himself. Hisokas tongue licks along the others lips, and reflex-like he opens them. Tasting him like this made Illumis head spin once again, so sickly sweet, as if he was made out of candy. One of his hands starts holding onto Hisokas hair, not pulling, but curling soft strands around his fingers, a gesture almost too soft, too kind for someone like him. In response Hisokas grip around his hips tightened. A new kind of tension tightened in Illumis chest, coiling around his throat, forcing him to finally pull away, catching his breath. He could feel all of the blood that had rushed to his head, feeling the heat flush his cheeks. Quickly he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, straightening his back.  
“This did not happen.”  
“Of course not, love~” Hisoka chuckles, stepping away from the wall he had been pinned to, stretching his arms and shoulders as if he had been chained up for hours.  
“Don’t do that. I’m not your 'love’, you’re a _glorified stranger_ to me.”  
“Oh, Illumi, you hurt me so deeply!” Another fake pout, though his eyes were sparking with scheming intent. “Guess I have to ask someone else to join me on a mission in Yorknew then~!”  
“Excuse me?”  
“Well, _my dear Illumi_ , theres a ball in Yorknew, and some very interesting people will be there. And by pure coincidence, I have a +1. Though I can’t just take any _stranger_ with me~” Hisokas grin was all telling, the bait was all for Illumi to take. The luxury of a Ball in Yorknew, with the danger of Hisoka being present and most likely still itching to “calm some nerves”…And the escape from this thankless job.  
Illumi undoes his ponytail, and starts unbuttoning the badly-fitting uniform.  
“When will we depart, _associate_?” Hisoka started beaming, overjoyed at having broken down one of Illumis walls.  
“I’ll pick you up tonight, _love~"_


End file.
